Monday, June 11, 2007

The Please Don'ts for Summer - Part 1

You tend to see a lot of atrocities when catching the train and/or bus back and forth from the suburbs to downtown DC everyday, but nothing brings out the NO's more than summer. I'm talkin about the 'No she didn't"s the "No that's not what I think it is" the "Oh No's" and the "Hell No's". I have vowed to jot down a note for every Hell No I spot so that I can remember and share, but for now here is a simmered down list of ten summer Don'ts from my mind to you . . .


Number 1: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, if you are sporting a jungle or even noticeable fuzz in the armpit area, DO NOT WEAR A SLEEVELESS SHIRT, especially when there is a chance that you might have to stand up on the Metro and reach for the high support rail, the innocent bystanders within bird's eye view of your hairyness do not deserve this.

Number 2: Please remember that white pants are not for everyone, or atleast certain white fabrics aren't. I really feel bad that no one informed you that white + sun =see-thru, as in we can see your cellulite, stretch marks and blemishes thru your pants. Next time, please skip the Rave or Ashley Stewart sale rack and go for a good pair made of a good fabric that is also lined. Also, it's advisable to wear nude (skin toned) undies instead of hot pink, okay, same for shirts.

Number 3: Even though you are considered on the slender side because your frame is somewhat petite, that does not mean that you are automatically entitled to bare your belly in a half shirt. Your arms, thighs and butt may still be small, but your big ass, 4 c-section having, stretch mark scarred belly looks like it's been put through a meat grinder, just hanging there and jiggeling under your shirt, please put it away, it's making me sick just thinking about it.

Number 4: When your flip-flops have sprung a leak and gone flat, it's time to toss them and invest $4.99 in a new pair. Leaning flip-flops, good lawd, need I say more.

Number 5: I understand that we all can't have perfect feet, some of us take them thru a heck of a lot, me included, but if you got a corn on every toe and deep ridges of dead cracked skin lining your heels, strappy gladiator sandals might not be the best way to showcase that. Buy a foot scraper from CVS for $2.99 and some medicated corn pads and go home and get to work.

Number 6: Sheer deodarant was a miracle invention that you can purchase anywhere in any brand and scent, please invest, white deodorant stains are so tacky.

Number 7: Speaking of deodorant, please use it. Also, if you haven't figured it out already, you might need to switch brands or scents when summer rolls around. Sometimes the brand that kept us dry and must-free in winter does not perform the same way in summer. Go ahead, try something new, sooner please rather than later.

Number 8: This one is not specific to summer, but has been spotted often enough lately that I am compelled to give it special mention . . . female + mustache = NO. I'm not quite sure where in the world or who in their right mind finds this carnival freak show act attractive, but . . .

Number 9: This is a little petty, but black sandals do not go with everything. If you have on brown bottoms with a white or grey or any neutral colored shirt, you kinda need to pair that with brown or neutral colored footwear. Um, I don't know how else to explain . . .

Number 10: Last but not least, another special mention. Again, this is not specific to summer but I spotted this today and I really wanted to get off the bus to let this women know. Dear lady, It's great that you were getting your exercise on, power walking in your bike shorts and tank top, you were doing it, more power! The only thing is, if you've had that pair of workout shorts for awhile, you might just want to check the seems before slipping them on and hitting the pavement. Sweetie, I am so sorry to inform you that you had a big fat split, as in hole, right in the ass crack of your bike shorts. I even heard one person gasp 'oh no' as the bus crept by.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

You Know You're From DC When . . . and DC Ebonics Dictionary

Someone posted this in one of my myspace friends comments section and I loved, and ID'd, with it so much that I had to 'bite' (means borrow/use for those who don't know) it and post it here.


*~*~THE DC/METRO AREA EBONICS DICTIONARY:~*~*
ASS'D OUT - to be left hanging, stood up: "Man, we was sposed to meetat the library but he left me ass'd out!"
BAMMA - a person who is not very trendy, whether it be fashion ormusic: "Ugh! Look at his shape-up...and his beat-up Pro Wings. Hes sucha bamma"
BLOWN - very upset/disappointed
BOOSTED - to be excited, proud: "He was so boosted when he found out hegot an A on his history test"
BUN - v. to make one a steady girl/boyfriend: "She's the completepackage; looks, smarts and she cool to be around. i had to bun her" n.a pretty girl/boy: "I was looking at ur sister yesterday, and I didntrealize but, she's a bun"
CARRY - to disrespect someone: "Jimmy tried to holla at Crystal , butshe carried him by walking away"
CHILL MODE - calm, collected: "Afterschool, I just be on chill mode,dawg"
CRUSH - to consume speedily or with vigor; or to defeat handily (seePUNISH): "Those Steakums were bomb, man we crushed them joints"
GET YOUR MAN - have success, whether with a girl or in sports. Refersto competitive situations: "Ima get my man today. We gonna punishSuitland "
GUMP - a nerd and/or wimp: "I dared him to touch her butt, but he agump"JAH, JI -kinda/sorta or very, depending on emphasis: "She is jah phat"
JONING - making fun of another person: "Did u see that dudes shape-up?They was joning at the lunch table all period"
KIRK (v. to KIRK OUT) - to get very mad, or excited beyond ones normalrange: "If the teacher wasnt there, he woulda kirked on that dude"
LUNCHING - joking around, acting foolishly: "During my free periods, wejust be walking around or straight lunching, cuz we be bored"
NO BULL,BULLSH*T, B-SH*T- to mean something truthful; equivalent to "Imtelling the truth": "Man, thats exactly what happened. No bull"
OVERCOMPENSATE - to do more than is nessacary in a given situation byshowing off: "I mean, i know its hot but stop overcompensating man, putyour shirt back on"
PRESSED - to be annoying, conceited: "He was so pressed to showeveryone he got an A; he gets on my nerves"
PUNISH - to dispense with readily, to handle easily; deals with sexualintercourse when used in reference to girls
ROCK - to wear or sport. "You need to gimme back my damn AJA IMANIheadband so i can rock it with this shirt I got to match"
SACK CHASER (ie Golddigger)- A woman who is only interested in a manfor his money
SHORT - unfortunate: "I cant give u a ride, young. either ask Chris oru short"
SICE - to over exaggerate: "Tamika not even that tight Isaac Ji Sicedher.SLAM - directly: "He wasn't looking and the ball hit him slam in thehead"
SLUMP - to knock down and/or out with extreme force. "Dog, you keepf*ckin around with girl like that and imma have to slump your wackass."
SMASH - have sexual intercourse: "Ima ja blown cuz I went over herhouse, and her parents were there, so I couldnt smash"SON-SON - same as "dawg" and "dogg", but normally someone younger:"Young, dont talk about Jason. Thats my son-son"
STEAL - to punch, assault someone: "Young, if u dont get out my face,Ima steal u slam in ur jaw"
STOUT - A very attractive male or female in both the face and body.
TIP DRILL - A woman or man who is only attractive from the neck down.
WACK - unfavorable, uncool, unpoplar or very loser-like. 1. "What iswith this wack-ass grade you gave me? i got all the right answers andyou still gave me a 'D', man" 2. "Do you know how wack you look rightnow? If I ever see you wear those highwater jeans and small-ass t-shirtagain....."
YOUNG, JOE - equivalent to "son" or "kid" in NY; similar to "yo" also:"Young, Im sick of school" or "Chill out joe, It aint even thatserious".


U KNO U 4ROM DC WHEN . . .
1. you know what mumbo sauce is and order it with chicken/fries 2. you know of hobo, shooters, solbiato,alldaz, bonidacci, we r one, madness, 3. you take professional photos at Iverson mall 4. you miss crystal skate 5. you know what a cranker is 6. you know byb is the best gogo band of all times 7. keep it gangsta is your anthem 8. you used to hang out at union station 9. getting fried for you is a hobby 10. you get hyped when they finally play a gogo song at parties 11. the ladies are sexy in rainbow colors ?? 12. your favorite car is a Crown vic or Cadi 13. you listen to 95.5 and 93.9 14. you dont claim Baltimore 15. you think rayne and flex are neighborhood celebrities 16. you were boosted that rare essence was on mtv 17. you know what boosted means 18. you think most songs sound better with a gogo beat 19. you know what it means to kirk out 20. the ladies hang out with more males than females 21. you refer to the subway as the metro 22. you know how to get everywhere on the metro 23. you remember them closing balou/cardozo a thousand times cause people kept leaving mercury in it 24. you know what it means to be wrapping somebody up 25. you think nike boots go with everything 26. you buy earrings from the beauty supply store 27. you know who chuck brown is 28. you can finish this statement: Three in the morning 29. you see people camped outside of shoe stores when the new shipment of jordans comes in 30. you shop at urbans and think white people clothes are cummin up 31. when you get upset, you are blown 32. when a person starts acting crazy, they are lunchin or loafin 33. after a party, you think about going to IHOP 34. if something dramatic occurs, it is crucial or tuff 35. if you agree with something that was said, you say no bull shit or I know right 36. you insert (ja like) randomly in sentences and dont have a clue as to what it mean ex: I was ja like upset 37. u have a clue as to what beatin yea feet is 38. you beat your feet 39. you no wat it mean 2 wreck 40. all u need is ya fitted, north face and nike boots and u fresh. 41. You kno berry farms in SE isn't a real farm. 42.You walk around playing nextel ringtones 43.You talk to a gurl and u say:Im trying 2 beat da joint! 44.U Be Fakin like!! Is really used 45.U refer everyone as "young" or "mo" or '' son'' 46.If u use bamma in a sentence 47.if a hoe, is a "roller" 48.if u know wat smacked means 49.when everybody name is Joe 50.you see snow and still got to get your ass up cus dcps dont care bout you bussen your ass. 51.cigarettes are called jacks 52. 2 hour delay in 6 feet snow 53.nobody calls ramen noodles "ramen noodles" 54.you love the X2 bus even tho you know its the hardest jont runnin 55. almost every dude has dreds 56. if you know Willy Wonka had the Factory and we got the City

Making Up for Lost Time and Random Shit

It's been a while since I have posted anything, and I seem to be making up for lost time as I have posted about 5 poems already tonight. I got kind of excited and nostalgic reading my older stuff and wondering what in the hell must have been on my mind at those times, lol. Mostly, my poems, essays, rantings, etc are a personal vehicle for expression that I don't share with most people, and now I'm putting them out in cyberspace for the world to discover . . gotta love the internet! Those who know me well are well aware of my passion for writing. Those who are just familiar with me probably have no idea. And God help those who are acquainted with my goofy side, cause it is sooooo goofy! Speaking of the different sides of my personality, I invite everyone reading this blog to share a part of their personality that only the closest of close friends and family are familiar with.

The following are a few snippets about me that might seem surprising to some . . .
  1. I LOVE sci-fi , The Stargates (SG-1 and Atlantis) are my fave shows and I always check out the science and technology sections of the news (papers and websites)before anything else
  2. I MUST go skydiving and hanggliding before I leave this earth
  3. I am fascinated with history, all the way from ancient egypt to Gretta Garbo. Also, when I am intrigued by something, I reasearch it to learn everything about it that I can. For instance, in the movie National Treasure they talk about the Free Masons, I totally reasearched the entire history, fact and myth, regarding Free Mason's because I wanted to learn more,
  4. I do not like formal wear (i.e. evening gowns and the like) it is too fussy, I'd rather rock a short spunky sequin cocktail dress wth leggings and spike-heeled boots. If I ever get married it will not in any way be traditional. My bridesmaids will wear something that represents them as individuals (like if you're a dress person then you'd do the formal thing but you may be standing next to a jeans person rockin the Rock and Republic) and my dress will be so unconventional, but still white because I just like the color!
  5. It takes a lot to make me mad, my fave expression is 'whateva', as in 'life is short so, whateva, no worries'
  6. My favorite thing to do is laugh
  7. I would love to be a humanitarian aide worker in a third world country to really make a difference in the world. Making a difference in just one person's life and working for the cause of life is more valuable than any possesion. Hopefully I will raise children who will also value goodwill, that would be the greatest contribution I could make, to multiply into 3 what began as one (I have 3 kids).

Poet Mode: Within

WITHIN

The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you look deep into my heart you will see me for who I am
I’m a can do woman – ready, willing and able
I’m a fearless, take no shit sistah – try me if you wanna
I’m a curvy delight – a tease or a tigress, depending on my mood
I’m a hugging, kissing healer – telling you everything will be just fine

I’m a soft, fragile being – needing to be loved
I get a yearning feeling – of wanting to feel needed
I’m sometimes afraid – of not being heard
I feel a little unconfident – about the sway of my hips
I’m often too real – proclaiming when shit is fucked up
I’m most terrified – of not being perceived as a fearless, take-no-shit kind of sistah

I am the future colored by the pasts of those who came before,
Bred by a lineage of underground railroad and lynching survivors and . . .
running through the woods gripping my child and my bible after . . .
toiling in a field for endless days and nights and . . .
then finally being granted substandard American rights


BUT I DIGRESS, let me get back to this.

The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you looked into my heart, you’d see where love begins
Love extends beyond sight, and visual assumptions
I appear to be a strong black sistah walking strong with gumption
But what I am is a person with fears the same as you
And a desire to be loved as human, female, strong, soft, black, and beautiful

Poet Mode: No Title (from 1995)

Wild ride through the streets of DC
Two fatalities , both of them teens
The victims, the assailants, all of them my brothers
No medicine created to heal the hearts of mothers
Corner light posts lined with bears in RIP
Blood stains on the sidewalk washed away by Remy
Commemorated on T-shirts, memorialized on stone
Memories of children who never made it home
All of us affected, everyone at risk
Of premature entry into next weeks obits
What the fuck is going on, I mean really, what the fuck
I watch the morning crime reports thinking damn shits really fucked up
Mommas putting their babies out of cars on 495
20 year olds on crack, Niggas is loosing they minds
Car thefts, baby deaths, mourning every where I turn
Life is hell, so what the hell, I guess they ain’t afraid to burn
And these are the times when we take prayer out of schools
We don’t renew the DC gun ban and elect a government of fools

Poet Mode: Tears

My Tears are falling like Niagara Falls
Raining down to my chin like a thunderstorm, lightening and all
Deep thought is a mallet pounding into my head turning my eyes, ears, nose and chin a flaming red with fiery
And like Niagara Falls, this natural evolutionary expression of my rage can not be contained by human hands or words
Because at this point, there is no point

I can’t believe it has progressed to this

As hard as I try to suppress this fluid energy, they flow with triple the force and determination
No tissue or napkin or shirt cuff can conceal my emotions
They are written all over my face, painted with a salt tipped pen from the inside out
My feelings have been turned upside down for the world to see
And what do I do now
Smile
Wipe my eyes, pretend like I’m ok
Like puffy eyes, red and tear stained cheeks are normal, maybe even trendy in 2005

As much as I try to calm my face in cold water, the swelling of my most inner fears show through my glazed over, red tinged eyes
The eyes tell it all you know
And right now I wish that the people rubbing my back and saying ‘baby, what’s the matter’ could hear them yelling LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE I START CRYING . . . AGAIN

6/27/2005

Poet Mode: Happy

HAPPY
June 6, 2007

I dream of a house on a hill
Where a moment in time stands still
Where a smile lasts a lifetime and
Laughter lasts forever

I live in a house on a row
Where a big weed grows and grows
Where an argument lasts a week and
The sting disappears never

I dream of a moment in time
Where it finally becomes mine
Where I feel it embrace my heart and
Hold me in everlasting

I live today where I am
Where reality must be a sham
Where living is in 3rd person and
Loving is . . . .

I dream of a glow
Where whoever looks at you knows
Where it pours from your soul and
Loving is . . . .

I live in hope of a dream

Happy

Poet Mode: F This

Fuck this shit, it ain’t about love
It aint at all what fairytales speak of
It aint all smiles and loving gazes
Not like the shit in Harlequin’s pages
This ain’t the life I signed up for
This can’t be my realty, I need much more

Like bed breaking sex and talks all night
And personal smiles cause shit feels right
Like fuck the movies, let’s stay home
Cause we got a fairy tale of our own
Like getting fucked up and chillin and shit
And ignoring the world, this is the shit
Like, fuck all other niggas, this is the shit
Like damn that feels good, this is the ShiiiiiiiiiT

Then back to reality, cause this is some shit

I mean, fuck it, this is my shit
So, I’ll just live with it
Cause you know, it ain’t all that bad
I don’t spend every waking moment sad
I don’t cry my eyes out each and every night
I don’t always try to get attention by picking a fight
I don’t always feel alone . . .
I don’t always feel . . . alone
I don’t feel . . .
. . . always alone
I . . . feel always alone
Damn, this is some shit.