At 30 years old I have learned to love my imperfections
Not to ever again grimace at the sight of my reflection
The way I am is exactly the way that God meant for me to be
All my imperfections are really exclamation marks of beauty
From the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes
From my half cocked grin to the curve of my nose
From the size of my boobs to the color of my skin
These things only accentuate my light that shines from within
If you don't like what you see when you look at me simply divert your gaze away
Because the beauty of my smile just may make another persons day
If the sway of my hips is not to your liking, oh well, so what
Because I guarantee that someone else loves looking at my butt
Besides all that, what really counts is how much I love what I see
And you will never know the joy I feel over just being me
Just thinking of me puts a smile on my face that no other could evoke
Imagining myself as someone else makes me gag and choke
Don't get me wrong, I'm a work in progress, always striving for that perfection
But before you can truly improve your mind body and soul you must love the current reflection
Monday, July 9, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Warrior Princess
I used to be seriously obsessed with the show Xena:Warrior Princess. She was the shit for real, beautiful, seductive, feminine . . . but could kick your whole crews ass in a quick minute, all at once! To this day, Xena is my Shero/Idol, lol. I'm beautiful, seductive (when I wanna be), feminine (somewhat, can't seem to shake the tomboy thing though), but I will get DC ghetto on your ass in a heartbeat so don't get it twisted.
And to my friends who didn't know, well now you do, so hook me up with the series DVD for christmas!
LOL
And to my friends who didn't know, well now you do, so hook me up with the series DVD for christmas!
LOL
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Please Don'ts for Summer - Part 1
You tend to see a lot of atrocities when catching the train and/or bus back and forth from the suburbs to downtown DC everyday, but nothing brings out the NO's more than summer. I'm talkin about the 'No she didn't"s the "No that's not what I think it is" the "Oh No's" and the "Hell No's". I have vowed to jot down a note for every Hell No I spot so that I can remember and share, but for now here is a simmered down list of ten summer Don'ts from my mind to you . . .
Number 1: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, if you are sporting a jungle or even noticeable fuzz in the armpit area, DO NOT WEAR A SLEEVELESS SHIRT, especially when there is a chance that you might have to stand up on the Metro and reach for the high support rail, the innocent bystanders within bird's eye view of your hairyness do not deserve this.
Number 2: Please remember that white pants are not for everyone, or atleast certain white fabrics aren't. I really feel bad that no one informed you that white + sun =see-thru, as in we can see your cellulite, stretch marks and blemishes thru your pants. Next time, please skip the Rave or Ashley Stewart sale rack and go for a good pair made of a good fabric that is also lined. Also, it's advisable to wear nude (skin toned) undies instead of hot pink, okay, same for shirts.
Number 3: Even though you are considered on the slender side because your frame is somewhat petite, that does not mean that you are automatically entitled to bare your belly in a half shirt. Your arms, thighs and butt may still be small, but your big ass, 4 c-section having, stretch mark scarred belly looks like it's been put through a meat grinder, just hanging there and jiggeling under your shirt, please put it away, it's making me sick just thinking about it.
Number 4: When your flip-flops have sprung a leak and gone flat, it's time to toss them and invest $4.99 in a new pair. Leaning flip-flops, good lawd, need I say more.
Number 5: I understand that we all can't have perfect feet, some of us take them thru a heck of a lot, me included, but if you got a corn on every toe and deep ridges of dead cracked skin lining your heels, strappy gladiator sandals might not be the best way to showcase that. Buy a foot scraper from CVS for $2.99 and some medicated corn pads and go home and get to work.
Number 6: Sheer deodarant was a miracle invention that you can purchase anywhere in any brand and scent, please invest, white deodorant stains are so tacky.
Number 7: Speaking of deodorant, please use it. Also, if you haven't figured it out already, you might need to switch brands or scents when summer rolls around. Sometimes the brand that kept us dry and must-free in winter does not perform the same way in summer. Go ahead, try something new, sooner please rather than later.
Number 8: This one is not specific to summer, but has been spotted often enough lately that I am compelled to give it special mention . . . female + mustache = NO. I'm not quite sure where in the world or who in their right mind finds this carnival freak show act attractive, but . . .
Number 9: This is a little petty, but black sandals do not go with everything. If you have on brown bottoms with a white or grey or any neutral colored shirt, you kinda need to pair that with brown or neutral colored footwear. Um, I don't know how else to explain . . .
Number 10: Last but not least, another special mention. Again, this is not specific to summer but I spotted this today and I really wanted to get off the bus to let this women know. Dear lady, It's great that you were getting your exercise on, power walking in your bike shorts and tank top, you were doing it, more power! The only thing is, if you've had that pair of workout shorts for awhile, you might just want to check the seems before slipping them on and hitting the pavement. Sweetie, I am so sorry to inform you that you had a big fat split, as in hole, right in the ass crack of your bike shorts. I even heard one person gasp 'oh no' as the bus crept by.
Number 1: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, if you are sporting a jungle or even noticeable fuzz in the armpit area, DO NOT WEAR A SLEEVELESS SHIRT, especially when there is a chance that you might have to stand up on the Metro and reach for the high support rail, the innocent bystanders within bird's eye view of your hairyness do not deserve this.
Number 2: Please remember that white pants are not for everyone, or atleast certain white fabrics aren't. I really feel bad that no one informed you that white + sun =see-thru, as in we can see your cellulite, stretch marks and blemishes thru your pants. Next time, please skip the Rave or Ashley Stewart sale rack and go for a good pair made of a good fabric that is also lined. Also, it's advisable to wear nude (skin toned) undies instead of hot pink, okay, same for shirts.
Number 3: Even though you are considered on the slender side because your frame is somewhat petite, that does not mean that you are automatically entitled to bare your belly in a half shirt. Your arms, thighs and butt may still be small, but your big ass, 4 c-section having, stretch mark scarred belly looks like it's been put through a meat grinder, just hanging there and jiggeling under your shirt, please put it away, it's making me sick just thinking about it.
Number 4: When your flip-flops have sprung a leak and gone flat, it's time to toss them and invest $4.99 in a new pair. Leaning flip-flops, good lawd, need I say more.
Number 5: I understand that we all can't have perfect feet, some of us take them thru a heck of a lot, me included, but if you got a corn on every toe and deep ridges of dead cracked skin lining your heels, strappy gladiator sandals might not be the best way to showcase that. Buy a foot scraper from CVS for $2.99 and some medicated corn pads and go home and get to work.
Number 6: Sheer deodarant was a miracle invention that you can purchase anywhere in any brand and scent, please invest, white deodorant stains are so tacky.
Number 7: Speaking of deodorant, please use it. Also, if you haven't figured it out already, you might need to switch brands or scents when summer rolls around. Sometimes the brand that kept us dry and must-free in winter does not perform the same way in summer. Go ahead, try something new, sooner please rather than later.
Number 8: This one is not specific to summer, but has been spotted often enough lately that I am compelled to give it special mention . . . female + mustache = NO. I'm not quite sure where in the world or who in their right mind finds this carnival freak show act attractive, but . . .
Number 9: This is a little petty, but black sandals do not go with everything. If you have on brown bottoms with a white or grey or any neutral colored shirt, you kinda need to pair that with brown or neutral colored footwear. Um, I don't know how else to explain . . .
Number 10: Last but not least, another special mention. Again, this is not specific to summer but I spotted this today and I really wanted to get off the bus to let this women know. Dear lady, It's great that you were getting your exercise on, power walking in your bike shorts and tank top, you were doing it, more power! The only thing is, if you've had that pair of workout shorts for awhile, you might just want to check the seems before slipping them on and hitting the pavement. Sweetie, I am so sorry to inform you that you had a big fat split, as in hole, right in the ass crack of your bike shorts. I even heard one person gasp 'oh no' as the bus crept by.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
You Know You're From DC When . . . and DC Ebonics Dictionary
Someone posted this in one of my myspace friends comments section and I loved, and ID'd, with it so much that I had to 'bite' (means borrow/use for those who don't know) it and post it here.
*~*~THE DC/METRO AREA EBONICS DICTIONARY:~*~*
ASS'D OUT - to be left hanging, stood up: "Man, we was sposed to meetat the library but he left me ass'd out!"
BAMMA - a person who is not very trendy, whether it be fashion ormusic: "Ugh! Look at his shape-up...and his beat-up Pro Wings. Hes sucha bamma"
BLOWN - very upset/disappointed
BOOSTED - to be excited, proud: "He was so boosted when he found out hegot an A on his history test"
BUN - v. to make one a steady girl/boyfriend: "She's the completepackage; looks, smarts and she cool to be around. i had to bun her" n.a pretty girl/boy: "I was looking at ur sister yesterday, and I didntrealize but, she's a bun"
CARRY - to disrespect someone: "Jimmy tried to holla at Crystal , butshe carried him by walking away"
CHILL MODE - calm, collected: "Afterschool, I just be on chill mode,dawg"
CRUSH - to consume speedily or with vigor; or to defeat handily (seePUNISH): "Those Steakums were bomb, man we crushed them joints"
GET YOUR MAN - have success, whether with a girl or in sports. Refersto competitive situations: "Ima get my man today. We gonna punishSuitland "
GUMP - a nerd and/or wimp: "I dared him to touch her butt, but he agump"JAH, JI -kinda/sorta or very, depending on emphasis: "She is jah phat"
JONING - making fun of another person: "Did u see that dudes shape-up?They was joning at the lunch table all period"
KIRK (v. to KIRK OUT) - to get very mad, or excited beyond ones normalrange: "If the teacher wasnt there, he woulda kirked on that dude"
LUNCHING - joking around, acting foolishly: "During my free periods, wejust be walking around or straight lunching, cuz we be bored"
NO BULL,BULLSH*T, B-SH*T- to mean something truthful; equivalent to "Imtelling the truth": "Man, thats exactly what happened. No bull"
OVERCOMPENSATE - to do more than is nessacary in a given situation byshowing off: "I mean, i know its hot but stop overcompensating man, putyour shirt back on"
PRESSED - to be annoying, conceited: "He was so pressed to showeveryone he got an A; he gets on my nerves"
PUNISH - to dispense with readily, to handle easily; deals with sexualintercourse when used in reference to girls
ROCK - to wear or sport. "You need to gimme back my damn AJA IMANIheadband so i can rock it with this shirt I got to match"
SACK CHASER (ie Golddigger)- A woman who is only interested in a manfor his money
SHORT - unfortunate: "I cant give u a ride, young. either ask Chris oru short"
SICE - to over exaggerate: "Tamika not even that tight Isaac Ji Sicedher.SLAM - directly: "He wasn't looking and the ball hit him slam in thehead"
SLUMP - to knock down and/or out with extreme force. "Dog, you keepf*ckin around with girl like that and imma have to slump your wackass."
SMASH - have sexual intercourse: "Ima ja blown cuz I went over herhouse, and her parents were there, so I couldnt smash"SON-SON - same as "dawg" and "dogg", but normally someone younger:"Young, dont talk about Jason. Thats my son-son"
STEAL - to punch, assault someone: "Young, if u dont get out my face,Ima steal u slam in ur jaw"
STOUT - A very attractive male or female in both the face and body.
TIP DRILL - A woman or man who is only attractive from the neck down.
WACK - unfavorable, uncool, unpoplar or very loser-like. 1. "What iswith this wack-ass grade you gave me? i got all the right answers andyou still gave me a 'D', man" 2. "Do you know how wack you look rightnow? If I ever see you wear those highwater jeans and small-ass t-shirtagain....."
YOUNG, JOE - equivalent to "son" or "kid" in NY; similar to "yo" also:"Young, Im sick of school" or "Chill out joe, It aint even thatserious".
U KNO U 4ROM DC WHEN . . .
1. you know what mumbo sauce is and order it with chicken/fries 2. you know of hobo, shooters, solbiato,alldaz, bonidacci, we r one, madness, 3. you take professional photos at Iverson mall 4. you miss crystal skate 5. you know what a cranker is 6. you know byb is the best gogo band of all times 7. keep it gangsta is your anthem 8. you used to hang out at union station 9. getting fried for you is a hobby 10. you get hyped when they finally play a gogo song at parties 11. the ladies are sexy in rainbow colors ?? 12. your favorite car is a Crown vic or Cadi 13. you listen to 95.5 and 93.9 14. you dont claim Baltimore 15. you think rayne and flex are neighborhood celebrities 16. you were boosted that rare essence was on mtv 17. you know what boosted means 18. you think most songs sound better with a gogo beat 19. you know what it means to kirk out 20. the ladies hang out with more males than females 21. you refer to the subway as the metro 22. you know how to get everywhere on the metro 23. you remember them closing balou/cardozo a thousand times cause people kept leaving mercury in it 24. you know what it means to be wrapping somebody up 25. you think nike boots go with everything 26. you buy earrings from the beauty supply store 27. you know who chuck brown is 28. you can finish this statement: Three in the morning 29. you see people camped outside of shoe stores when the new shipment of jordans comes in 30. you shop at urbans and think white people clothes are cummin up 31. when you get upset, you are blown 32. when a person starts acting crazy, they are lunchin or loafin 33. after a party, you think about going to IHOP 34. if something dramatic occurs, it is crucial or tuff 35. if you agree with something that was said, you say no bull shit or I know right 36. you insert (ja like) randomly in sentences and dont have a clue as to what it mean ex: I was ja like upset 37. u have a clue as to what beatin yea feet is 38. you beat your feet 39. you no wat it mean 2 wreck 40. all u need is ya fitted, north face and nike boots and u fresh. 41. You kno berry farms in SE isn't a real farm. 42.You walk around playing nextel ringtones 43.You talk to a gurl and u say:Im trying 2 beat da joint! 44.U Be Fakin like!! Is really used 45.U refer everyone as "young" or "mo" or '' son'' 46.If u use bamma in a sentence 47.if a hoe, is a "roller" 48.if u know wat smacked means 49.when everybody name is Joe 50.you see snow and still got to get your ass up cus dcps dont care bout you bussen your ass. 51.cigarettes are called jacks 52. 2 hour delay in 6 feet snow 53.nobody calls ramen noodles "ramen noodles" 54.you love the X2 bus even tho you know its the hardest jont runnin 55. almost every dude has dreds 56. if you know Willy Wonka had the Factory and we got the City
*~*~THE DC/METRO AREA EBONICS DICTIONARY:~*~*
ASS'D OUT - to be left hanging, stood up: "Man, we was sposed to meetat the library but he left me ass'd out!"
BAMMA - a person who is not very trendy, whether it be fashion ormusic: "Ugh! Look at his shape-up...and his beat-up Pro Wings. Hes sucha bamma"
BLOWN - very upset/disappointed
BOOSTED - to be excited, proud: "He was so boosted when he found out hegot an A on his history test"
BUN - v. to make one a steady girl/boyfriend: "She's the completepackage; looks, smarts and she cool to be around. i had to bun her" n.a pretty girl/boy: "I was looking at ur sister yesterday, and I didntrealize but, she's a bun"
CARRY - to disrespect someone: "Jimmy tried to holla at Crystal , butshe carried him by walking away"
CHILL MODE - calm, collected: "Afterschool, I just be on chill mode,dawg"
CRUSH - to consume speedily or with vigor; or to defeat handily (seePUNISH): "Those Steakums were bomb, man we crushed them joints"
GET YOUR MAN - have success, whether with a girl or in sports. Refersto competitive situations: "Ima get my man today. We gonna punishSuitland "
GUMP - a nerd and/or wimp: "I dared him to touch her butt, but he agump"JAH, JI -kinda/sorta or very, depending on emphasis: "She is jah phat"
JONING - making fun of another person: "Did u see that dudes shape-up?They was joning at the lunch table all period"
KIRK (v. to KIRK OUT) - to get very mad, or excited beyond ones normalrange: "If the teacher wasnt there, he woulda kirked on that dude"
LUNCHING - joking around, acting foolishly: "During my free periods, wejust be walking around or straight lunching, cuz we be bored"
NO BULL,BULLSH*T, B-SH*T- to mean something truthful; equivalent to "Imtelling the truth": "Man, thats exactly what happened. No bull"
OVERCOMPENSATE - to do more than is nessacary in a given situation byshowing off: "I mean, i know its hot but stop overcompensating man, putyour shirt back on"
PRESSED - to be annoying, conceited: "He was so pressed to showeveryone he got an A; he gets on my nerves"
PUNISH - to dispense with readily, to handle easily; deals with sexualintercourse when used in reference to girls
ROCK - to wear or sport. "You need to gimme back my damn AJA IMANIheadband so i can rock it with this shirt I got to match"
SACK CHASER (ie Golddigger)- A woman who is only interested in a manfor his money
SHORT - unfortunate: "I cant give u a ride, young. either ask Chris oru short"
SICE - to over exaggerate: "Tamika not even that tight Isaac Ji Sicedher.SLAM - directly: "He wasn't looking and the ball hit him slam in thehead"
SLUMP - to knock down and/or out with extreme force. "Dog, you keepf*ckin around with girl like that and imma have to slump your wackass."
SMASH - have sexual intercourse: "Ima ja blown cuz I went over herhouse, and her parents were there, so I couldnt smash"SON-SON - same as "dawg" and "dogg", but normally someone younger:"Young, dont talk about Jason. Thats my son-son"
STEAL - to punch, assault someone: "Young, if u dont get out my face,Ima steal u slam in ur jaw"
STOUT - A very attractive male or female in both the face and body.
TIP DRILL - A woman or man who is only attractive from the neck down.
WACK - unfavorable, uncool, unpoplar or very loser-like. 1. "What iswith this wack-ass grade you gave me? i got all the right answers andyou still gave me a 'D', man" 2. "Do you know how wack you look rightnow? If I ever see you wear those highwater jeans and small-ass t-shirtagain....."
YOUNG, JOE - equivalent to "son" or "kid" in NY; similar to "yo" also:"Young, Im sick of school" or "Chill out joe, It aint even thatserious".
U KNO U 4ROM DC WHEN . . .
1. you know what mumbo sauce is and order it with chicken/fries 2. you know of hobo, shooters, solbiato,alldaz, bonidacci, we r one, madness, 3. you take professional photos at Iverson mall 4. you miss crystal skate 5. you know what a cranker is 6. you know byb is the best gogo band of all times 7. keep it gangsta is your anthem 8. you used to hang out at union station 9. getting fried for you is a hobby 10. you get hyped when they finally play a gogo song at parties 11. the ladies are sexy in rainbow colors ?? 12. your favorite car is a Crown vic or Cadi 13. you listen to 95.5 and 93.9 14. you dont claim Baltimore 15. you think rayne and flex are neighborhood celebrities 16. you were boosted that rare essence was on mtv 17. you know what boosted means 18. you think most songs sound better with a gogo beat 19. you know what it means to kirk out 20. the ladies hang out with more males than females 21. you refer to the subway as the metro 22. you know how to get everywhere on the metro 23. you remember them closing balou/cardozo a thousand times cause people kept leaving mercury in it 24. you know what it means to be wrapping somebody up 25. you think nike boots go with everything 26. you buy earrings from the beauty supply store 27. you know who chuck brown is 28. you can finish this statement: Three in the morning 29. you see people camped outside of shoe stores when the new shipment of jordans comes in 30. you shop at urbans and think white people clothes are cummin up 31. when you get upset, you are blown 32. when a person starts acting crazy, they are lunchin or loafin 33. after a party, you think about going to IHOP 34. if something dramatic occurs, it is crucial or tuff 35. if you agree with something that was said, you say no bull shit or I know right 36. you insert (ja like) randomly in sentences and dont have a clue as to what it mean ex: I was ja like upset 37. u have a clue as to what beatin yea feet is 38. you beat your feet 39. you no wat it mean 2 wreck 40. all u need is ya fitted, north face and nike boots and u fresh. 41. You kno berry farms in SE isn't a real farm. 42.You walk around playing nextel ringtones 43.You talk to a gurl and u say:Im trying 2 beat da joint! 44.U Be Fakin like!! Is really used 45.U refer everyone as "young" or "mo" or '' son'' 46.If u use bamma in a sentence 47.if a hoe, is a "roller" 48.if u know wat smacked means 49.when everybody name is Joe 50.you see snow and still got to get your ass up cus dcps dont care bout you bussen your ass. 51.cigarettes are called jacks 52. 2 hour delay in 6 feet snow 53.nobody calls ramen noodles "ramen noodles" 54.you love the X2 bus even tho you know its the hardest jont runnin 55. almost every dude has dreds 56. if you know Willy Wonka had the Factory and we got the City
Making Up for Lost Time and Random Shit
It's been a while since I have posted anything, and I seem to be making up for lost time as I have posted about 5 poems already tonight. I got kind of excited and nostalgic reading my older stuff and wondering what in the hell must have been on my mind at those times, lol. Mostly, my poems, essays, rantings, etc are a personal vehicle for expression that I don't share with most people, and now I'm putting them out in cyberspace for the world to discover . . gotta love the internet! Those who know me well are well aware of my passion for writing. Those who are just familiar with me probably have no idea. And God help those who are acquainted with my goofy side, cause it is sooooo goofy! Speaking of the different sides of my personality, I invite everyone reading this blog to share a part of their personality that only the closest of close friends and family are familiar with.
The following are a few snippets about me that might seem surprising to some . . .
The following are a few snippets about me that might seem surprising to some . . .
- I LOVE sci-fi , The Stargates (SG-1 and Atlantis) are my fave shows and I always check out the science and technology sections of the news (papers and websites)before anything else
- I MUST go skydiving and hanggliding before I leave this earth
- I am fascinated with history, all the way from ancient egypt to Gretta Garbo. Also, when I am intrigued by something, I reasearch it to learn everything about it that I can. For instance, in the movie National Treasure they talk about the Free Masons, I totally reasearched the entire history, fact and myth, regarding Free Mason's because I wanted to learn more,
- I do not like formal wear (i.e. evening gowns and the like) it is too fussy, I'd rather rock a short spunky sequin cocktail dress wth leggings and spike-heeled boots. If I ever get married it will not in any way be traditional. My bridesmaids will wear something that represents them as individuals (like if you're a dress person then you'd do the formal thing but you may be standing next to a jeans person rockin the Rock and Republic) and my dress will be so unconventional, but still white because I just like the color!
- It takes a lot to make me mad, my fave expression is 'whateva', as in 'life is short so, whateva, no worries'
- My favorite thing to do is laugh
- I would love to be a humanitarian aide worker in a third world country to really make a difference in the world. Making a difference in just one person's life and working for the cause of life is more valuable than any possesion. Hopefully I will raise children who will also value goodwill, that would be the greatest contribution I could make, to multiply into 3 what began as one (I have 3 kids).
Poet Mode: Within
WITHIN
The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you look deep into my heart you will see me for who I am
I’m a can do woman – ready, willing and able
I’m a fearless, take no shit sistah – try me if you wanna
I’m a curvy delight – a tease or a tigress, depending on my mood
I’m a hugging, kissing healer – telling you everything will be just fine
I’m a soft, fragile being – needing to be loved
I get a yearning feeling – of wanting to feel needed
I’m sometimes afraid – of not being heard
I feel a little unconfident – about the sway of my hips
I’m often too real – proclaiming when shit is fucked up
I’m most terrified – of not being perceived as a fearless, take-no-shit kind of sistah
I am the future colored by the pasts of those who came before,
Bred by a lineage of underground railroad and lynching survivors and . . .
running through the woods gripping my child and my bible after . . .
toiling in a field for endless days and nights and . . .
then finally being granted substandard American rights
BUT I DIGRESS, let me get back to this.
The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you looked into my heart, you’d see where love begins
Love extends beyond sight, and visual assumptions
I appear to be a strong black sistah walking strong with gumption
But what I am is a person with fears the same as you
And a desire to be loved as human, female, strong, soft, black, and beautiful
The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you look deep into my heart you will see me for who I am
I’m a can do woman – ready, willing and able
I’m a fearless, take no shit sistah – try me if you wanna
I’m a curvy delight – a tease or a tigress, depending on my mood
I’m a hugging, kissing healer – telling you everything will be just fine
I’m a soft, fragile being – needing to be loved
I get a yearning feeling – of wanting to feel needed
I’m sometimes afraid – of not being heard
I feel a little unconfident – about the sway of my hips
I’m often too real – proclaiming when shit is fucked up
I’m most terrified – of not being perceived as a fearless, take-no-shit kind of sistah
I am the future colored by the pasts of those who came before,
Bred by a lineage of underground railroad and lynching survivors and . . .
running through the woods gripping my child and my bible after . . .
toiling in a field for endless days and nights and . . .
then finally being granted substandard American rights
BUT I DIGRESS, let me get back to this.
The us we put into the world is not the us within
If you looked into my heart, you’d see where love begins
Love extends beyond sight, and visual assumptions
I appear to be a strong black sistah walking strong with gumption
But what I am is a person with fears the same as you
And a desire to be loved as human, female, strong, soft, black, and beautiful
Poet Mode: No Title (from 1995)
Wild ride through the streets of DC
Two fatalities , both of them teens
The victims, the assailants, all of them my brothers
No medicine created to heal the hearts of mothers
Corner light posts lined with bears in RIP
Blood stains on the sidewalk washed away by Remy
Commemorated on T-shirts, memorialized on stone
Memories of children who never made it home
All of us affected, everyone at risk
Of premature entry into next weeks obits
What the fuck is going on, I mean really, what the fuck
I watch the morning crime reports thinking damn shits really fucked up
Mommas putting their babies out of cars on 495
20 year olds on crack, Niggas is loosing they minds
Car thefts, baby deaths, mourning every where I turn
Life is hell, so what the hell, I guess they ain’t afraid to burn
And these are the times when we take prayer out of schools
We don’t renew the DC gun ban and elect a government of fools
Two fatalities , both of them teens
The victims, the assailants, all of them my brothers
No medicine created to heal the hearts of mothers
Corner light posts lined with bears in RIP
Blood stains on the sidewalk washed away by Remy
Commemorated on T-shirts, memorialized on stone
Memories of children who never made it home
All of us affected, everyone at risk
Of premature entry into next weeks obits
What the fuck is going on, I mean really, what the fuck
I watch the morning crime reports thinking damn shits really fucked up
Mommas putting their babies out of cars on 495
20 year olds on crack, Niggas is loosing they minds
Car thefts, baby deaths, mourning every where I turn
Life is hell, so what the hell, I guess they ain’t afraid to burn
And these are the times when we take prayer out of schools
We don’t renew the DC gun ban and elect a government of fools
Poet Mode: Tears
My Tears are falling like Niagara Falls
Raining down to my chin like a thunderstorm, lightening and all
Deep thought is a mallet pounding into my head turning my eyes, ears, nose and chin a flaming red with fiery
And like Niagara Falls, this natural evolutionary expression of my rage can not be contained by human hands or words
Because at this point, there is no point
I can’t believe it has progressed to this
As hard as I try to suppress this fluid energy, they flow with triple the force and determination
No tissue or napkin or shirt cuff can conceal my emotions
They are written all over my face, painted with a salt tipped pen from the inside out
My feelings have been turned upside down for the world to see
And what do I do now
Smile
Wipe my eyes, pretend like I’m ok
Like puffy eyes, red and tear stained cheeks are normal, maybe even trendy in 2005
As much as I try to calm my face in cold water, the swelling of my most inner fears show through my glazed over, red tinged eyes
The eyes tell it all you know
And right now I wish that the people rubbing my back and saying ‘baby, what’s the matter’ could hear them yelling LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE I START CRYING . . . AGAIN
6/27/2005
Raining down to my chin like a thunderstorm, lightening and all
Deep thought is a mallet pounding into my head turning my eyes, ears, nose and chin a flaming red with fiery
And like Niagara Falls, this natural evolutionary expression of my rage can not be contained by human hands or words
Because at this point, there is no point
I can’t believe it has progressed to this
As hard as I try to suppress this fluid energy, they flow with triple the force and determination
No tissue or napkin or shirt cuff can conceal my emotions
They are written all over my face, painted with a salt tipped pen from the inside out
My feelings have been turned upside down for the world to see
And what do I do now
Smile
Wipe my eyes, pretend like I’m ok
Like puffy eyes, red and tear stained cheeks are normal, maybe even trendy in 2005
As much as I try to calm my face in cold water, the swelling of my most inner fears show through my glazed over, red tinged eyes
The eyes tell it all you know
And right now I wish that the people rubbing my back and saying ‘baby, what’s the matter’ could hear them yelling LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE I START CRYING . . . AGAIN
6/27/2005
Poet Mode: Happy
HAPPY
June 6, 2007
I dream of a house on a hill
Where a moment in time stands still
Where a smile lasts a lifetime and
Laughter lasts forever
I live in a house on a row
Where a big weed grows and grows
Where an argument lasts a week and
The sting disappears never
I dream of a moment in time
Where it finally becomes mine
Where I feel it embrace my heart and
Hold me in everlasting
I live today where I am
Where reality must be a sham
Where living is in 3rd person and
Loving is . . . .
I dream of a glow
Where whoever looks at you knows
Where it pours from your soul and
Loving is . . . .
I live in hope of a dream
Happy
June 6, 2007
I dream of a house on a hill
Where a moment in time stands still
Where a smile lasts a lifetime and
Laughter lasts forever
I live in a house on a row
Where a big weed grows and grows
Where an argument lasts a week and
The sting disappears never
I dream of a moment in time
Where it finally becomes mine
Where I feel it embrace my heart and
Hold me in everlasting
I live today where I am
Where reality must be a sham
Where living is in 3rd person and
Loving is . . . .
I dream of a glow
Where whoever looks at you knows
Where it pours from your soul and
Loving is . . . .
I live in hope of a dream
Happy
Poet Mode: F This
Fuck this shit, it ain’t about love
It aint at all what fairytales speak of
It aint all smiles and loving gazes
Not like the shit in Harlequin’s pages
This ain’t the life I signed up for
This can’t be my realty, I need much more
Like bed breaking sex and talks all night
And personal smiles cause shit feels right
Like fuck the movies, let’s stay home
Cause we got a fairy tale of our own
Like getting fucked up and chillin and shit
And ignoring the world, this is the shit
Like, fuck all other niggas, this is the shit
Like damn that feels good, this is the ShiiiiiiiiiT
Then back to reality, cause this is some shit
I mean, fuck it, this is my shit
So, I’ll just live with it
Cause you know, it ain’t all that bad
I don’t spend every waking moment sad
I don’t cry my eyes out each and every night
I don’t always try to get attention by picking a fight
I don’t always feel alone . . .
I don’t always feel . . . alone
I don’t feel . . .
. . . always alone
I . . . feel always alone
Damn, this is some shit.
It aint at all what fairytales speak of
It aint all smiles and loving gazes
Not like the shit in Harlequin’s pages
This ain’t the life I signed up for
This can’t be my realty, I need much more
Like bed breaking sex and talks all night
And personal smiles cause shit feels right
Like fuck the movies, let’s stay home
Cause we got a fairy tale of our own
Like getting fucked up and chillin and shit
And ignoring the world, this is the shit
Like, fuck all other niggas, this is the shit
Like damn that feels good, this is the ShiiiiiiiiiT
Then back to reality, cause this is some shit
I mean, fuck it, this is my shit
So, I’ll just live with it
Cause you know, it ain’t all that bad
I don’t spend every waking moment sad
I don’t cry my eyes out each and every night
I don’t always try to get attention by picking a fight
I don’t always feel alone . . .
I don’t always feel . . . alone
I don’t feel . . .
. . . always alone
I . . . feel always alone
Damn, this is some shit.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
What I'd Rather Be Doing . . .
Currently I'm employed as a Database Manager, below I have listed a few random things that I'd rather spend 8 (and more) hours of my day doing . . .
Rehabbing Furniture:
I often search through Craigslist to see what I can find in the way of something unique and well made. I often view postings for furniture and imagine myself purchasing a good piece for cheap, working hard but happy to rehab the piece and either using myself or reselling at a profit. This piece from 1940'50's almost lunged out of the screen at me as it seemed like a good piece to start with.
Doing Hair . . .
My grandmother and great-grand were both cosmetologists. I think it's in the blood.
Styling People . . .
I love picking out looks for my friends that they would have never considered. Often, I will describe a style inspiration or look that I'm going for and people don't get. But once they see, they love it. I love getting people to think out of the box when it comes to fashion - I hate plain and drab (even though it's my usual work uniform cause I'm a very busy mom and it's easy, lol).
Nothing . . .
I am very professionally ambitious and motivated, however the thought sometimes crosses my mind "what if I didn't have to be". I would wake up, get the kids off to school, take my time reading the paper and sipping my grande Cafe Americano, then head off to the gym, do some shopping, come home, do the night routine and then cap off my day with a relaxing bubble bath and glass of wine. Don't get me wrong, I know there is still work involved in all of this and I would undoubtedly be involved in many things, but it just wouldn't be the 'yes mahsta, whatever you want so I can get that check mahsta' kind of work. You feel me!
Rehabbing Furniture:
I often search through Craigslist to see what I can find in the way of something unique and well made. I often view postings for furniture and imagine myself purchasing a good piece for cheap, working hard but happy to rehab the piece and either using myself or reselling at a profit. This piece from 1940'50's almost lunged out of the screen at me as it seemed like a good piece to start with.
Doing Hair . . .
My grandmother and great-grand were both cosmetologists. I think it's in the blood.
Styling People . . .
I love picking out looks for my friends that they would have never considered. Often, I will describe a style inspiration or look that I'm going for and people don't get. But once they see, they love it. I love getting people to think out of the box when it comes to fashion - I hate plain and drab (even though it's my usual work uniform cause I'm a very busy mom and it's easy, lol).
Nothing . . .
I am very professionally ambitious and motivated, however the thought sometimes crosses my mind "what if I didn't have to be". I would wake up, get the kids off to school, take my time reading the paper and sipping my grande Cafe Americano, then head off to the gym, do some shopping, come home, do the night routine and then cap off my day with a relaxing bubble bath and glass of wine. Don't get me wrong, I know there is still work involved in all of this and I would undoubtedly be involved in many things, but it just wouldn't be the 'yes mahsta, whatever you want so I can get that check mahsta' kind of work. You feel me!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Reunion
I love the creative juice that www.shopstyle.com gets flowing within me. I could waste so much time looking thru the clothes and creating looks on this site. Alas, it was fellow blogger Trini Orisha Gyal, and her upcoming class reunion, that inspired this look. To me, this look says 'I am a classy lady, I am a professional women, I am a mom on the go, I can not be stopped - and I look fly too!'
I'm still working on this look - It's called B-Day!
I'm still working on this look - It's called B-Day!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Today Was A Great Day!
Okay, so I wrote an entire posting, clicked to preview it . . . and . . . nothing! It was gone. No error message, no clicking the Back button to recover it, just gone, dissappeared, vanished! This fits right in with the rest of my day.
Let me begin by stating that I have been a bit stressed out lately because I can't seem to find my passion. My job/career as a Database Manager is not doing it for me spiritually. I aspire to be TOO MANY things to become great at ONE. In the past 3 years I have considered becoming a hair stylist, architect, lawyer, overseas aid worker in an impoverished country, eBay Powerseller, stay at home mom, etc. I began my college education with a focus on pharmacy, changed to international business, changed again to just business, changed again to accounting, took EMT training and Oracle Developer/DBA training, and eventually ended up at computer info. systems. I'm a smart cookie, can catch on quickly and usually excel at most things, however, after a while I tend to become very bored and loose my focus, which is where I am now. I am so unfocused currently that I totally forgot about my daughter's pre-school field trip today, and the fact that she needed a brown bag lunch, as she usually eats the school lunch. Today we were running late and her class was preparing to leave for the trip right as we were arriving. I had to run, as in physically, to CVS, buy a lunchable, of which they only had ham and swiss (I knew she wouldn't eat the swiss) and bologna and chedder (ewww). I settled for 
the bologna because I knew she would eat it, a rasberry Dasani, and a box of Fig Newtons that she could share. While running out of the store, I tripped on the cuff of my wide-legged black and white pin-striped pants and nearly broke my ass in the dag on CVS! At that point, the cuff of my right pants leg was torn and no longer a cuff, just a mess. I ran, physically, to get the lunchable back to the lil girly at school, and arrived just as her class was walking out of the back door to board the bus. After handing the CVS bag of random edible items that I had purchased to the girly's teacher as she was in-step, I headed back to CVS to purchase a sewing kit to fix the mess that I had made of my pants leg. That's when I remembered that the matches that I had received with the cigarettes I bought (I already know, I shouldn't smoke) were still in the bag that I gave to my 3 year old daughter's teacher. I was sure that the teacher would think I was insane (or on something) for packing a book of matches with my daughter's lunch after totally forgetting about her field trip. On top of that, I did not do any laundry over the weekend, for the second week in a row. The lil girly officially ran out of uniforms as of yesterday. Her dad had given her a bagel topped with jelly for breakfast and she was very successful at getting jelly all over her uniform, calling for a quick change into her last clean uniform before heading out of the door. But, because I can't seem to focus on ANYTHING, I forgot to do the laundry so that clean uniforms would be ready for this morning. So, the dad dressed her this morning in a burgundy/pink/etc striped long sleeve cotton shirt w/ cargo jeans that have pockets trimmed in white cotton eyelet - imagine my horror at seeing this ensemble as we are headed out the door 30 minutes behind schedule with no time for a mommy-fashion-fix. Oh well!
Later on that day, I walked about 20 blocks to a client site (it was a nice day and I didn't feel like getting into a stale taxi) only to arrive and be informed that the person I needed to see was in the middle of a luncheon on behalf of secretary day and was not able to tear herself away from the lunch gathering to see me for the 15 minutes of total time that I would have needed her for. Therefore, I could not complete the task that I had gone there to do and so I just said what the hell and hiked it the 20 blocks back to my office. On the upside, I stopped into Filene's Basement on the way back and purchased a pair of much needed Michael Kors sunglasses (the sunglasses were needed, the Michael Kors was a bonus) that I really like for very cheap. For some reason I have been feeling Michael Kors lately.
Me and the girly commute home via Metro every day. Imagine how that striped shirt/cargo jean ensemble looked after the end my my girly's 8 hr day. Let's just say she played very hard today, lol! The girly is very outgoing, typically engaging several fellow Metro riders in conversation during our commute home while mommy is tired, not in a social mood and mainly trying to stay incognegro on the ride home. Today, she feels like singing. She belted out a loud, echoey, The Ants Go Marching One by One and other tunes during our entire trip. When we finally arrive at our destination, daddy had not yet arrived. We then spent the entire 25 minutes waiting for him with her wailing loudly because I made her sit absolutely still after she got very sassy with me for stopping her from eating a daffodil, and me ignoring the crying because she well deserved the rump tapping that she received for her behaviour!
When I finally get around to the business of the laundry at 10 PM, guess what, no more detergent, lol!
I have GOT to get my head in the game!
Yep, Today was a GREAT Day! Gotta Lov it.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Poet Mode - TOMORROW
I am really shy about sharing my writings. But this is a blog, so what the hell!
Tomorrow - composed 6/6/05
I saw a movie about emotional, societal starvation
Set in a city rout with maniacal, ironic devastation
I closed my eyes to shield my soul from the impending invasion
But I fell victim to the plot, was hypnotized by second hand persuasion
I turned away and tried to run from visions so hardcore
I couldn’t move, I was trapped like I had never been before
My heart was thumping, mind was racing, Newport burned down to the core
My fear subsiding, but courage hiding, burning flames rising from the floor
Is this hell, have I been beamed into a nightmare all too real
I cry for help, holler in vain at blank faces so concealed
No one responds or lifts a finger and despair is all I feel
My legs are weak, suddenly I fall and come crashing to a kneel
I drop my head, and lift my hands heavily up to my eyes
My head is heavy, vision blurry, I blink but can not cry
I am cut but do not bleed, I realize I am bone dry
There’s nothing left after spent years of struggling to get by
I’ve cried a river, mourned a lake, paced around the world and back
There was no boat or powered vehicle to help out with the trek
There was no partner or helping hand offering to take up the slack
I traveled solo and used the earth to provide whatever I may have lacked
I’ve washed my face with poisoned water, scrubbed my body with a branch
I’ve eaten scraps of nuts and berries and have survived an avalanche
I healed my wounds with bark and herb growing from a green aromatic patch
I’ve trenched through acid rain and storm drains and habitual circumstance
I lift my head and realize that all this time I had been sleeping
My pillow’s wet, my collar’s drenched from 4 hours of non-stop weeping
I lift my head and pinch myself to make sure I am not still dreaming
I get up to face another day of ghetto life but still believing.
I believe a time will come when our babies are not so often mourned
When our lamp posts and stoops are not teddy bear and RIP adorned
When we can party and not be innocent bystanders of hood pride scorned
When our faces aren’t plastered all over the news, a new day has been born.
let us all declare that day tomorrow!
Tomorrow - composed 6/6/05
I saw a movie about emotional, societal starvation
Set in a city rout with maniacal, ironic devastation
I closed my eyes to shield my soul from the impending invasion
But I fell victim to the plot, was hypnotized by second hand persuasion
I turned away and tried to run from visions so hardcore
I couldn’t move, I was trapped like I had never been before
My heart was thumping, mind was racing, Newport burned down to the core
My fear subsiding, but courage hiding, burning flames rising from the floor
Is this hell, have I been beamed into a nightmare all too real
I cry for help, holler in vain at blank faces so concealed
No one responds or lifts a finger and despair is all I feel
My legs are weak, suddenly I fall and come crashing to a kneel
I drop my head, and lift my hands heavily up to my eyes
My head is heavy, vision blurry, I blink but can not cry
I am cut but do not bleed, I realize I am bone dry
There’s nothing left after spent years of struggling to get by
I’ve cried a river, mourned a lake, paced around the world and back
There was no boat or powered vehicle to help out with the trek
There was no partner or helping hand offering to take up the slack
I traveled solo and used the earth to provide whatever I may have lacked
I’ve washed my face with poisoned water, scrubbed my body with a branch
I’ve eaten scraps of nuts and berries and have survived an avalanche
I healed my wounds with bark and herb growing from a green aromatic patch
I’ve trenched through acid rain and storm drains and habitual circumstance
I lift my head and realize that all this time I had been sleeping
My pillow’s wet, my collar’s drenched from 4 hours of non-stop weeping
I lift my head and pinch myself to make sure I am not still dreaming
I get up to face another day of ghetto life but still believing.
I believe a time will come when our babies are not so often mourned
When our lamp posts and stoops are not teddy bear and RIP adorned
When we can party and not be innocent bystanders of hood pride scorned
When our faces aren’t plastered all over the news, a new day has been born.
let us all declare that day tomorrow!
Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself . . My Name is . .
I'm fresh off of TnT Carnival . . .well, not that fresh I guess since it was a whole 2 months ago! But I have not yet recovered. . . fully. Only now am I getting over my inability to listen to any other music except Soca. Worst yet, I am already planning and working toward TnT Carnival 2008.Yes, it was THAT much fun for this TnT Carnival newbie. Thank goodness for fellow blogger SaucyDiva's Trinidad Carnival Diary to help me get through. I don't think I could have come down off that tabanca without you Saucy! Those who haven't been are not understanding!
So where do I begin? As I go along ,my posts will be more focused, I'm sure, but for now I'll start by sharing the random things that are on my mind at the moment . . .
>I am loving Michael Kors, Betsey Johnson, Isabella Fiore, Juicy Couture and Cynthia Rowley handbags right now. I have an addiction to designer purses and I'm currently shopping for a new piece to add to my collection. It has to be funky and edgy yet tailored and sophisticated. This is not just mere shopping, this is research, as a good designer bag can be a sizable investment that must be nurtured and cared for so that it will stand the test of time. Now, please believe, I have a 16yo, a 6yo and an almost 4yo, so there is no $3k, nor even $1500 bag in my horizon, as that would not be a smart money move (but oh the temptation)!. However, once I find that bag that I MUST have, I will seek out a bargain, whether it be eBay, etc., I will get what I want! And I am not above making a trip to Canal Street if the bag is truely unattainable for yours truely! The boy does not understand the need to spend hundreds of dollars on handbags so I had to break it down to him like this - You will spend $500 on a video game system that will severly depreciate when replaced by newer versions in a few years time/my bag, if well taken care of, will retain a large portion of it's value over time and may become a vintage item, thereby increasing it's value, therefore, my bag is a more reasonable expense than his game system - viola!
>I like to take walks on the spur of the moment. I'll get up from my desk to make a quick run to the junk store next door to my building and decide, as I hit the door out of the building, that I'm going to take a stroll around the nearby park; therefore, my uniform for summer will be platforms and wedges, or any shoe that is both comfy AND cute. There is nothing worse than your feet screaming in agony and begging for relief!
>I've got to buy a laptop ASAP! I can't be up at midnight on a regular basis updating this thing!
So where do I begin? As I go along ,my posts will be more focused, I'm sure, but for now I'll start by sharing the random things that are on my mind at the moment . . .
>I am loving Michael Kors, Betsey Johnson, Isabella Fiore, Juicy Couture and Cynthia Rowley handbags right now. I have an addiction to designer purses and I'm currently shopping for a new piece to add to my collection. It has to be funky and edgy yet tailored and sophisticated. This is not just mere shopping, this is research, as a good designer bag can be a sizable investment that must be nurtured and cared for so that it will stand the test of time. Now, please believe, I have a 16yo, a 6yo and an almost 4yo, so there is no $3k, nor even $1500 bag in my horizon, as that would not be a smart money move (but oh the temptation)!. However, once I find that bag that I MUST have, I will seek out a bargain, whether it be eBay, etc., I will get what I want! And I am not above making a trip to Canal Street if the bag is truely unattainable for yours truely! The boy does not understand the need to spend hundreds of dollars on handbags so I had to break it down to him like this - You will spend $500 on a video game system that will severly depreciate when replaced by newer versions in a few years time/my bag, if well taken care of, will retain a large portion of it's value over time and may become a vintage item, thereby increasing it's value, therefore, my bag is a more reasonable expense than his game system - viola!
>I like to take walks on the spur of the moment. I'll get up from my desk to make a quick run to the junk store next door to my building and decide, as I hit the door out of the building, that I'm going to take a stroll around the nearby park; therefore, my uniform for summer will be platforms and wedges, or any shoe that is both comfy AND cute. There is nothing worse than your feet screaming in agony and begging for relief!
>I've got to buy a laptop ASAP! I can't be up at midnight on a regular basis updating this thing!
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